Bittersweet birthday

Today, my Mum would have been 64 years old, though in my memory she remains a beautiful 53 year old woman... that is one thing that can be said in favour of dying early. I can't imagine how she might look now if she was still alive, how she might have aged. And I'm sure she would have been happy about that. Before she died, Mum said to me that she wanted us to remember her as she was: a happy, outgoing person - not the way she was at the end of her illness. I can honestly say that I never have any trouble remembering her when she was well, whereas I have to work hard to conjure up memories of her when she was sick.

I keep finding myself wondering what it would be like if she was still here... wishing my children could meet their grandmother. I still find it hard to believe she has been gone for 10 years now. 

Today I am busily preparing for BallFiend's birthday party, which we are having tomorrow at a local scout hall. It's a green party so we are all wearing green clothes and having green-coloured food. As I never wear green (too many years of wearing a green school uniform!), on Wednesday I scoured a local op-shop and found a couple of green scarves for $1 each. The birthday cake - with a green swirl through it - is currently in the oven, green pea and ham soup is bubbling away slowly on the stove and when BallFiend comes home from kinder, we will make the green jelly. We have green balloons, green plates, green cups, green napkins and green spoons. By the way, did I mention that BallFiend's favourite colour is green? 

Organising BallFiend's birthday party makes me feel connected to Mum. She always organised lovely birthday parties for me and my sisters, and made amazing birthday cakes. I like to be able to do the same for my children. I just wish my Mum was here too. 

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