When you wish upon a star...

When the Sun turns into a red giant, I want to see it happen.

- Thumper

--

Got the jiggles

During dinner, BallFiend is jiggling around in his chair...

Stompy: Do you need to go to the toilet?
BallFiend: No.
JudgeMingus: Are you jiggling because you are full of energy?
BallFiend: No.
JudgeMingus: Are you jiggling because you are feeling silly?
BallFiend: No.
JudgeMingus: Is it because your bottom is itchy?
BallFiend: No.
JudgeMingus: Is it because you want to go for a run around the block?
BallFiend:  No. It is because for one minute... I have gone completely bonkers!

--

Getting into the specifics

BallFiend: Could lava go through a rock wall?
DeepSpice: It depends on how thick the wall is, how hot the lava is and how much lava there is.
BallFiend: If a wall was one metre thick, and the lava was 30 degrees hot and you had 22 litres of lava, would the lava go through the wall?
--

Said the daughter of a feminist:

"Mum I wish I was a boy so I could grow up to be a dad."
- Thumper
--

Still some explaining to do...

"Mum, why do people poo babies out?"
- Thumper

--

A second century for me?

"Mum, did you know there's the weeniest, teeniest chance that you will be the first one to turn two hundred years old!"
- BallFiend

--

Just a typical bath time

"You penis is pooing! You penis is weeing!" - Thumper

"Stop it! She's sticking her foot into my bottom!" - BallFiend

"I'm pooing my pants!" - Thumper

"Look! A hot cross bun! It's a bun that is cross." - Thumper

"Thumper want to sit on my feet." - BallFiend

"I'm cold... I'm bum." - BallFiend

"Mr Bum-Bum-Face. Ha!" - BallFiend

"I am Mr Bum-Bum-Face." - Thumper

"I'm a piece of poo." - BallFiend

Not grumpy...

"That dog looks very grumptious."
- Thumper, as we walked past a bulldog (or maybe it was a boxer? I don't know dog breeds too well) tied up outside the school gate this morning.

--

Mm-mmm!

"We have lots of licking to do today."
- Thumper whilst helping to clean up after we made cup cakes.

--

Port Douglas

We took a trip up to Port Douglas during the school holidays (6-14 July). All organised quite last minute after I got leave approved at work just a week before the school holidays.

Our journey up there was fairly uneventful. We left home at 10.30 am and arrived at our holiday accommodation (after a taxi ride, a flight and then a drive in a hire car) at about 5.30 pm. The only 'event' of note was when BallFiend got car-sick on the windy roads from Cairns to Port Douglas. Thankfully he waited until we stopped at Rex lookout to throw-up.

Thumper loved the red hire car (a Suziki Swift). However DeepSpice and I greeted the car with horror when we looked the teeny, tiny boot space and wondered how on earth we would fit our luggage in. Luckily, the car hire guy showed us that it had a (completely useless) false-bottom that could be removed to double the storage capacity. Unfortunately we then had to lug the false-bottom panel around for the rest of the trip.

The resort we stayed at was quite good - it had the obligatory 'lagoon' pool, which the kids loved and a little playground. It also had happy hour from 4 - 6 pm every day, which DeepSpice and I loved. It was great having cocktails by the pool whilst we did our best to supervise the paddling children. The resort also had free wifi, which meant that our attention was even less dedicated to supervision of our paddling children. Luckily there were lots of other kids and adults around to share the load.

What we did:

Day 1 (Saturday, 6th July): left home at 10.30 am and spent most of the day travelling. Arrived at resort aroung 5.30 pm, dropped our bags off in our unit, then went straight to dinner at the resort restaurant. Kids had spaghetti bolognaise and ice cream for dessert.

Day 2 (Sunday): Ate an enormous breakfast at resort restaurant (included in our accommodation deal).

Breakfast by the pool

Then into town to check out the Port Douglas Sunday Market. Five minutes later, Thumper was bored, so DeepSpice took her off to a beach. BallFiend stayed with me and whinged, until I finally gave up on trying to browse market stalls and took him to the beach too.






The kids had a great time at the beach and complained bitterly we when dragged them away to get some lunch at the local bakery. Later we went back to the resort for a play in the pool (kids), cocktails by the pool (DeepSpice and me), then dinner at the resort. Kids had spaghetti bolognaise and ice cream for dessert.

Day 3 (Monday): A windy day - too windy for the beach or a trip out to the Great Barrier Reef, so we decided to check out the rainforest at the Daintree Discover Centre instead. BallFiend was fascinated by the mechanics of the ferry we took over the Daintree River. He was much less interested in the mechanics of how a rainforest works, but he did enjoy examining and speculating about the construction of the steel boardwalks. On the way back we stopped at Daintree Village for an ice cream (Thumper missed out because she fell asleep in the car and stayed asleep the whole time we stopped). Once back in Port Douglas we went for dinner at Surf Life Saving Club, which was great as we had a table near the playground, so DeepSpice and I got some (relative) peace while we ate. Thumper had spaghetti bolognaise then ice cream for dessert; BallFiend had fish and chips followed by jelly.

Day 4 (Tuesday): Weather still very windy, so a boat ride out to see the Great Barrier Reef was still not an option (wind 25-30 knots). We decided on a trip to Hartley's Crocodile Adventure Park instead. We saw lots of crocs. Crocodiles being fed by zoo-keepers, hanging their arms over barriers within easy snapping reach. (No keeper-limbs were lost, but outcome not so good for a great number of chickens.) We saw crocodiles laying about in the lagoon, sunbaking on the shore, the crocodile farm where they grow crocs ready to be turned into hand bags, shoes and lunch, and even a crocodile being antagonised, teased and tricked in order to get it to entertain us with a death roll. We also saw lots of other animals - snakes, cassowarys, jabirus, turtles, swans, reptiles and more. Thumper liked the wallabies and pademelons the best. BallFiend was most interested in how the fencing around the crocodile compounds worked.

Back in Port Douglas, we decided we would go somewhere other than the resort restaurant for dinner but after phoning about 6 different places and being unable to get a booking we decided to drive into town and just try our luck. Fall-back plan was a take-away pizza. However we ended up walking straight into a restaurant called Watergate, the closest we got to 'fine dining' while we were away. Fantastic food and great service (Though I won't mention the cockroach we saw wandering under the table where we had our pre-dinner drinks!). Despite have a more classy menu, the children's menu was once again the same old uncreative fare. Thumper had spaghetti bolognaise and BallFiend had fish and chips, both had ice cream for dessert. 

Day 5 (Wednesday): Still very windy, so we headed in-land again. This time to the Skyrail for a scenic ride over rainforest to the mountain town of Kuranda. We were supposed to have two hours to look around Kuranda but the place we picked for lunch was so slow to bring us our food order that we wasted about half an hour there waiting before we walked out and went in search of other options. By the time we found other food, we had just over half an hour left before we needed to catch the "scenic railway" back down the mountain. I did enjoy the train ride - it was relaxing and lots of nice views of waterfalls and chasms along the way. The Skyrail up was fun, but really just a novelty, not that good for experiencing the rainforest.

Did the long, windy drive back to Port Douglas, but thankfully no car-sick kids this time. Once back at the resort, we again had cocktails before dinner at the resort. Thumper wanted spaghetti bolognaise again, but since she'd had tinned spaghetti for breakfast, I insisted that she have something else. She settled on chicken tenderloins and chips instead; BallFiend had fish and chips; both kids had ice cream for dessert.

Day 6 (Thursday): Yet another very windy day, but the kids were asking to go to the beach again, so we packed a picnic and walked from the resort down to Four Mile beach. To get there we walked along a dangerous mozzie-infested path, lined with coconut palms that threatened to conk us on the head with falling coconuts. BallFiend selected a large coconut to lug down to the beach to play with. Once at beach, we were almost blown away by gale force wind, but the kids didn't care - they paddled and made sandcastles anyway, with construction advice from DeepSpice. I laid around and finished reading my book-group book (Jo Nesbo's Head Hunters). 

Bt 12.30 pm, I'd had enough of the wind, so we carried our picnic back to our resort unit and ate lunch there. Kids were annoyed at being removed from the beach but all was forgotten when we got them into the resort's swimming pool.

From 4 pm our evening ritual commenced - happy hour cocktails then dinner at resort. Kids had spag bol and fish and chips plus ice cream, again.

Day 7 (Friday): Spent most of the day at Mossman Gorge. What a beautiful, magical place (apart from the squillions of tourists). We all walked the 2.4 km circuit and more (although DeepSpice carried Thumper a lot!). Then back to the resort for some more pool time (with happy hour drinks of course!) before dinner. Will leave it to your imagination to work out what the kids ate.

Day 8 (Saturday): Our last day in Port Douglas. We started with a long breakfast, then lots of time at the beach (windy again!). I went off to find some lunch and an ATM (and fitted in a sneaky spot of shopping too). Kids were bribed with gelati to convince them to leave the beach. Then back to the resort for a play in the pool (during happy hour - yep more cocktails for DeepSpice and me!), before walking to the neighbouring resort (QT) for dinner at the Bazaar restaurant. This was a buffet-style affair, but also had made-to-order options. The food was amazing! I wished we had discovered it earlier in the week! And yet all the kids would have was spag bol and some lollies for dessert. Sigh. However when we got the bill we discovered that the kids ate free, so that made up for their lack of adventurousness.


Day 9 (Sunday): 
Left the resort at 10.15 am (planned departure time of 10.00 am delayed due to Thumper having a poo-accident). Drove the windy road to Cairns. Thumper complains of feeling sick, but doesn't act like she's sick, so we just open the windows to give her some air. Delayed by road works outside of Palm Cove. As we approach Cairns, I start to keep an eye out for petrol stations (as we have to refuel the hire car before we return it) but every time I spot one and point it out, it is too late and DeepSpice has already driven past.

Just before Cairns, Thumper lets loose with the vomit she promised us way back on those windy roads. It is like the scene from The Exorcist, except the vomit is brown, not green. I can't believe there is so much. All the stuff needed to clean her up is packed into the luggage. So while DeepSpice attempts to wipe her up with the one cloth nappy we have on hand, I pull the luggage out and start rummaging through for supplies - a towel to throw over Thumper's car restraint, some more cloth nappies and spare clothes. We now have 15 mins left to be at the airport on time.

Back on route, we quickly reach the airport turn-off but still haven't refueled the car. So we U-turn and head back into town to find a petrol station. Then back to the airport. We arrive to find a massive queue, all waiting to check in for the same flight as us. Thankfully, Virgin airlines conveniently have two check-in counters open, so the queue moves at tortise, rather than snail's, pace. I'm instructed to take Thumper's car restraint down to 'oversize' luggage (even though the person before me has just been allowed to put a similarly-sized seat through standard luggage). So DeepSpice takes the kids to go through security screening while I drop the Thumper's car seat off. I catch them up before they even get through security, and then we all make our way to the gate together. The flight is already boarding, but there's a long queue at the gate so it's all good. Once on the plane we finally get a chance to catch our breath... until it arrives in Brisbane, where we are meant to make a connecting flight. We realise that we have 5 minutes to make the connecting flight that leaves at 3.55 pm, but airline staff say it's OK - they know the Cairns flight has run late and they will wait for us.

We hurry to the next gate and get there only to discover our connecting flight to Melbourne has been cancelled due to "crewing requirements". We are told to sit and wait while they re-book us on to a new flight. Thumper still had vomit in her hair and on her clothes. We have enough iPad and iPod batteries to provide the kids with games for about another hour. BallFiend has school in the morning and DeepSpice is due back at work. Virgin airline staff don't care. They tell us they will re-book business class passengers first, then loyalty-club members, then passengers who have paid the highest fares, and then finally us.

Over an hour later we are told our new flight will leave at 8.55 pm. And so began our long and tedious nightmare: five hours at Brisbane airport. We were compensated with four $16.00 food vouchers, good for your choice of deep-fried, greasy, salty airport-food delights. Didn't change the fact that we were not going to be home until after midnight.

The journey home put a very nasty end to what was an enjoyable holiday. I will never, ever fly with Virgin airlines again.

On Monday, we were all exhausted so BallFiend ended up staying home from school and DeepSpice stayed home from work.

I think for our next holiday we will be sticking with a road trip to somewhere local! 

--

Nudie sleep

Tonight, both kids decided they wanted to "go to sleep in the nude".

I replied "that's fine, as long as you both go to sleep".

So they stripped off their PJs and I said, "Right, now you're nude, you have to go to sleep." 
And they did.

Amazing!! (Especially if you only knew about the bed time battles we've been experiencing for the past few weeks).

--

Solving the world's energy crisis

Discussing climate change over dinner. Kids came up with the following solutions for transportation:

BallFiend - a car powered by shredded paper.
Thumper - a car with panda legs, or actually a car with cheetah legs.

--

The great crust turn-around

My kids never eat their bread-crusts. Until two days ago, that is. It was Sunday night and we were all out of bread. Neither DeepSpice or I were keen to do a run to the shops through the pissing rain. So I dusted off the bread machine to make a loaf. BallFiend got all excited and wanted to help.

We put all the ingredients into the pan and were ready to add the final ingredient: the yeast. I opened the yeast tin and discovered it only had one teaspoon left.  Our recipe required two. So it was either go to the shops in the pissing rain anyway, or compromise. I decided to try adding baking powder.

The result was (not surprisingly) a very dense loaf. But it did rise. It also had very distinct, dark crusts.

BallFiend upon tasting the bread declared it to be "The best bread ever!" and that the crusts "are the best part of the bread".

Go figure.

--

Eating like a dog

Ballfiend: The government should set up a competition where parents have to train their children to eat like dogs.

--

That's shit

What's worse than a 5 am wake up call to attend your pre-schooler's wet bed?
Finding out that it's not just wet.

What's worse than finding out that 'it's not just wet'?
Finding out by stepping on something squishy that sticks to your slipper. (Thank fuck I was wearing slippers!)

What's worse than stepping on something squishy that sticks to your slipper?
Not realising there is shit on your slipper until you have taken three steps across the room.

Thanks for that Thumper. Thanks a whole lot.
--

An alien with flowers for hands

BallFiend came home from a day with Gran and GrandPaul with this rather interesting drawing:

He said it is an alien with flowers for hands and sickles for feet (although he later revised this to 'crescent moons for feet'). The cross-section of the head illustrates how it's eyes and mouth connect to the brain.

The text to the right reads: "separate from rest of body, but glued back on"- it is a legend to explain what the little bumpy line symbol refers to.

Just for good measure, the drawing also includes a ball bouncing down some stairs... a signature of the artist one might conclude. 

Now, I'm not sure what has inspired BallFiend to draw a semi-cyberpunk / semi-aboriginal x-ray art / Davros-ish alien with flowery hands and moon/sickle feet, nor what gave him the idea that a separated head can be glued back on to a body. But I can honestly say that he has never ever licked the lead paint on the doors in our house.

--

Today's whinge

"Mummy, I don't like my porridge in a circle. I like it in a different shape, like a triangle or a square."
- Thumper

--

Mud bridge

BallFiend and his friend Axel worked on this project for "all of recess and lunch time".

I worked in the laundry all of the evening getting the mud out of his clothes.
--

Quick, hide!

BallFiend and Thumper were watching the Octonauts. In this episode, some cute-sy looking Octonauts go into a cave that turns out to be a cute-sy looking whale shark.

Thumper: Oh no! I'm scared!

BallFiend (in a very matter of fact voice): Well, get behind the couch then."

Moments later, BallFiend gets scared too and joins Thumper behind the couch.

Little heads pop up from behind the couch every now and then, eyes peeping through parted fingers. There's much whimpering (but not enough to drown out the vigourous protestations when I suggest that I could just turn the TV off).

Eventually they emerge from behind the couch and watch a bit more of the show. Until the next scary bit.

BallFiend: "Quick, back behind the couch!"

--

Singlish

"A singlish is a thing to hold your breasts still."
- says Thumper, confusing a singlet and a bra and quite possible the language that we all claim to speak.

--