Solving the world's energy crisis

Discussing climate change over dinner. Kids came up with the following solutions for transportation:

BallFiend - a car powered by shredded paper.
Thumper - a car with panda legs, or actually a car with cheetah legs.

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The great crust turn-around

My kids never eat their bread-crusts. Until two days ago, that is. It was Sunday night and we were all out of bread. Neither DeepSpice or I were keen to do a run to the shops through the pissing rain. So I dusted off the bread machine to make a loaf. BallFiend got all excited and wanted to help.

We put all the ingredients into the pan and were ready to add the final ingredient: the yeast. I opened the yeast tin and discovered it only had one teaspoon left.  Our recipe required two. So it was either go to the shops in the pissing rain anyway, or compromise. I decided to try adding baking powder.

The result was (not surprisingly) a very dense loaf. But it did rise. It also had very distinct, dark crusts.

BallFiend upon tasting the bread declared it to be "The best bread ever!" and that the crusts "are the best part of the bread".

Go figure.

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Eating like a dog

Ballfiend: The government should set up a competition where parents have to train their children to eat like dogs.

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That's shit

What's worse than a 5 am wake up call to attend your pre-schooler's wet bed?
Finding out that it's not just wet.

What's worse than finding out that 'it's not just wet'?
Finding out by stepping on something squishy that sticks to your slipper. (Thank fuck I was wearing slippers!)

What's worse than stepping on something squishy that sticks to your slipper?
Not realising there is shit on your slipper until you have taken three steps across the room.

Thanks for that Thumper. Thanks a whole lot.
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An alien with flowers for hands

BallFiend came home from a day with Gran and GrandPaul with this rather interesting drawing:

He said it is an alien with flowers for hands and sickles for feet (although he later revised this to 'crescent moons for feet'). The cross-section of the head illustrates how it's eyes and mouth connect to the brain.

The text to the right reads: "separate from rest of body, but glued back on"- it is a legend to explain what the little bumpy line symbol refers to.

Just for good measure, the drawing also includes a ball bouncing down some stairs... a signature of the artist one might conclude. 

Now, I'm not sure what has inspired BallFiend to draw a semi-cyberpunk / semi-aboriginal x-ray art / Davros-ish alien with flowery hands and moon/sickle feet, nor what gave him the idea that a separated head can be glued back on to a body. But I can honestly say that he has never ever licked the lead paint on the doors in our house.

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Today's whinge

"Mummy, I don't like my porridge in a circle. I like it in a different shape, like a triangle or a square."
- Thumper

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Mud bridge

BallFiend and his friend Axel worked on this project for "all of recess and lunch time".

I worked in the laundry all of the evening getting the mud out of his clothes.
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Quick, hide!

BallFiend and Thumper were watching the Octonauts. In this episode, some cute-sy looking Octonauts go into a cave that turns out to be a cute-sy looking whale shark.

Thumper: Oh no! I'm scared!

BallFiend (in a very matter of fact voice): Well, get behind the couch then."

Moments later, BallFiend gets scared too and joins Thumper behind the couch.

Little heads pop up from behind the couch every now and then, eyes peeping through parted fingers. There's much whimpering (but not enough to drown out the vigourous protestations when I suggest that I could just turn the TV off).

Eventually they emerge from behind the couch and watch a bit more of the show. Until the next scary bit.

BallFiend: "Quick, back behind the couch!"

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Singlish

"A singlish is a thing to hold your breasts still."
- says Thumper, confusing a singlet and a bra and quite possible the language that we all claim to speak.

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Can you see the whale?

At breakfast, Thumper suddenly called out, "Look, a whale!".

BallFiend rushed over to look and the two of them admired the whale.
"Two eyes here. A nose," she points out, "and a squirter!"

I went over and looked too... but I just couldn't see the whale.

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Treasure

I had put a Eurythmics CD on and Sweet Dreams started playing...

Thumper: Oooh this sounds like a hunting song.

Me: does it? What are they hunting for?

Thumper (in a very meaningful voice): Treasure.

BallFiend: And they’re going over a bridge. It’s a stone bridge, with lots of lines...

Thumper: ...and they have to find the X.

BallFiend: And there’s bit broken off the bridge...

The story kept going in a similar vein for another few minutes.

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Annoying recursion

Thumper: Give it to me.
BallFiend: Give it to me.
Thumper: BallFiend, stop copying me.
BallFiend: Stop copying me.
Thumper: Don't!
BallFiend: Don't!
Thumper: STOP COPYING ME!
BallFiend: Stop copying me.
Me: BallFiend, stop it.
BallFiend: OK. I'll copy myself.
DeepSpice: Don't do that, you'll never stop.
BallFiend: No I won't.
BallFiend: No I won't.
BallFiend: No I won't.
etc.

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Shark-infested bathtub

Overheard during Thumper’s bath tonight...

DeepSpice: I’m here to wash your hair.

Thumper holds up a toy shark.

DeepSpice: Hello shark.

Thumper: Noooooo! It’s not a friendly one. You can’t put your hand in to wash my hair.

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Persistence pays off

BallFiend: Thumper, come here.

Thumper: no

BallFiend: Thumper, come here.

Thumper: no

BallFiend: Thumper, come here. I have a secret to tell you.

Thumper: no

BallFiend: Thumper, come here. I have a secret to tell you.

Silence.

BallFiend: Thumper, come here.

Silence.

BallFiend: Thumper, come here.

Thumper: No.

Pause.

BallFiend: Thumper, come HERE!
 
Thumper: No.

BallFiend: THUMPER, COME HERE!
 
Thumper: NO!

BallFiend: Thumper, come here. I have a secret to tell you.

Thumper: I’m busy collecting things.

Ballfiend: Oh. OK.

Pause.

BallFiend: Thumper, come here. I have a secret to tell you. It’s really funny.

Thumper (cheerily): OK!

Thumper trots up the hallway to the bedroom.

Thumper (giggling): Wow! That’s fantastic!

--

The funniest thing...

Thumper: I know the funniest thing in the world.

BallFiend: What?

Thumper: Penis.

Both kids chuckle for a moment, then fall silent.


BallFiend: That’s not the funniest thing in the world.

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What off button?

Thumper: Mummy when will you be finished on the com-PEW-ta?

Me (murmuring absent-mindedly): Oh, probably never…

Thumper: Well, Mummy, there’s an off button on the com-PEW-ta.

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Boring old playschool

Overheard this morning while the kids were watching TV - Playschool had just started.

Thumper, in her best whiney voice: "Oh, I'm bored of this!"
BallFiend: "But this is good! Because the ball of playdough rolls down and hits him and he goes bonk and lands on a drum."

I watch as BallFiend narrates over the opening titles, and indeed, a ball is balanced on a stack of books, then it rolls off, bumps into Humpty Dumpty, who topples over and lands upright again on a toy drum.
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Claude's corn

Usually when I ask BallFiend to tell me what happened at school today, I get one of two responses: 'I don't know' or 'I forgot'. Getting any info out of him is pretty much futile... even long and involved police-grade interview sessions elicit only the most scant of details*.

So during dinner tonight, DeepSpice and I were amazed when BallFiend, completely unprompted, started telling us about an incident that happened at after school care. It was also pretty gross.

"At aftercare today, Claude... he was sitting on the bench thing and he spewed and he didn't have one of those little plastic bags so he had to spew on the floor."

"Poor Claude," I sympathised, "what made him spew?"

"I don't know," replied BallFiend, "but there was lots of corn in it. Then the teachers came and put kitty litter all over it. What is kitty litter made of and why did they put it on the spew?"

Nice of BallFiend to be so forthcoming for a change. Pity about the timing. At least we weren't having corn for dinner I suppose.

*However, a few months ago, I worked out a fantastic technique that is guaranteed to get results to the eternal 'what did you do at school today?' question. As soon as I can get around to it, I'm going to put it into a book and DVD and sell it to parents everywhere and make billions!

Putting the poo back into pool

We took the kids to the Oak Park pool today. An enjoyable way to spend a stinking hot day. We arrived first thing in the morning to nice crystal clear (chlorinated) water. Over the course of the day, as more people arrived and ratio of sunscreen to water increased, the pool became increasingly murky.

But ultimately it was my own offspring who showed that pool-water 'what for': Thumper did a poo in the pool! And even worse, because DeepSpice had disappeared off to the toilet, so it was all up to me to clean up: I had to scoop up the poo with my bare hands and carry it to the nearest rubbish bin!

Still traumatised!
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Gobbles

Me: Have you finished your breakfast Thumper?
Thumper: No, not yet. I’m just going have three more gobbles.

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