My freaky eye

Starting about a month or two ago, I was occasionally getting a blurry patch in my vision. I kept thinking it was just that I had something in my eye. I'd typically rub at my eye for a bit, then after a few moments, my vision returned to normal. Then, one evening (June 26th to be precise), I happened to look in the mirror during a blurry moment and noticed my pupil had gone a weird shape... like one side had a bulge. (Yes, I was pretty freaked out. Thanks for asking.) Then a few seconds later I watched my pupil return to a normal shape. 

So I rang Nurse on Call and after asking me a million questions, the nurse put me through to After Hours GP (I never knew this service existed!). The GP asked me all the same questions again, then said he didn't know what it was and that I should go to see my own GP as soon as possible. So I did. The GP puzzled over me for a while and eventually looked at me and said I'm stumped". Then he referred me to an ophthalmologist. He also said to try and get a photo if I could. (I had already had DeepSpice try to photograph it but my pupil only stays a funny shape for a few seconds at a time, so it's not easy to capture).

Whilst waiting for my appointment with the specialist, I did of course conduct many, many google searches. None of which provided me with any clue about what might be going on. But I did learn a lot about various eye conditions. 

Dr O.

One week later (it's July 4th by now, are you keeping up?), I had my appointment with the ophthalmologist (Dr O.). The appointment commenced with an orthoptist checking my vision and prodding around at my eye (checking pressures and so on). Then I saw Dr O. who did more prodding and lots of looking into my eye with various lights and machines. The worst of which was the gonioscope. 


After all this he looked at me and said "I'm stumped." Luckily he was bulk billing so I didn't feel entirely ripped off. I was also informed that my optic disc is more curved than usual but that this is probably nothing to worry about (well, I wasn't worried, but now that you have mentioned it...) and that he is worried about my 'angles'. He referred me on to a glaucoma specialist ("Just to rule things out - if it's not glaucoma, I'll refer you to a neuro-ophthalmologist."). 

I think he was trying not to worry me, but he stood over the receptionist and asked her to call the glaucoma specialist and to make sure I got in to see her as soon as possible (ie. within a week), so I could tell that this could be something serious. An appointment was made for 9 am on the following Tuesday. 

Dr B.

Tuesday (which would be July 10th, correct?) rolled around and I dutifully took my freaky eye off to the glaucoma specialist. This was to be quite an experience...

The building in East Melbourne was an old terrace house. A brass plaque at the gate simply stated Dr B., Eye Specialist. And what can I say? It had atmosphere. Inside, there was a classic timber hall stand, with a beige trench coat hanging on it. I wandered past the front room (which was set up as the waiting room) and down the long, dark (and spooky) hallway to find the reception at the back of the building. After filling in my paperwork, I was directed back to the waiting room. I didn't have to wait long before I was taken upstairs to do a "field of vision" test. 

The upstairs room looked like it belonged in an historic home... like it should have been roped off at the doorway so tourists peer in at how people used to live. Long beige drapes ensured no natural light would ever fade the delicate floral sofa or carpets. Interesting but unidentifiable pieces of timber furniture cowered in the corners of the room. The orthoptist indicated that I should put my bag down 'over there', pointing to an old-fashioned doctor's examination table, upholstered in dark brown leather and a dark timber base made up of numerous drawers and a fold-out footstool. It was a bit like this one, but more gothic looking: 

The only thing that looked out of place in the room was the piece of equipment that I was about to use for my test. It looked pretty much like this: 

After the Field of Vision test (which I passed with flying colours, I might add), I returned to the waiting room for a bit. Next stop was another round with an orthoptist. I was escorted back down the long, dark and spooky hallway, past the reception, and into a recently-digitised medieval torture chamber. Or at least that's how it looked... against one wall was a heavy and dark timber cabinet with lots of tiny drawers in it, like the old card catalogues that libraries used to have. Opposite was a modern desk with banks of computers and screens and other machines that go ping. The orthoptist directed me to sit in a chair that looked kind of like the ones you see in movies where they execute a death-row prisoner, but without the manacles that strap your wrists to the arms of the chair.

She then proceeded to do all the same eye-prodding tests that Dr O's orthoptist had done. Two eyes. Check. Can read the tiny letters at the bottom of the eye chart. Check (I'm long-sighted). Eye drops (anaesthetic) in. Blink. Poke in eye with a blue pokey thing. Uncomfortable but it didn't hurt. Some more looky-pokey things (I think I have successfully blocked the rest of this part out)... 

Back to the waiting room. Then a little while later, I am ushered in to see Dr B. It's hard to believe that this doctor is one of Melbourne's best glaucoma specialists when clearly her rooms are located somewhere in the 1950s. The room is dark (and spooky), lit only by a small desk lamp with a crystal shade. A lovely old timber desk with a leather top sits at one end of the room. On top of the desk is a silver pen tray with a horse figurine, and a dome clock, ticking loudly as if to reinforce that I have just stepped back in time. 

Dr B. indicates that I should sit in the leather tub chair facing the desk. I'm already feeling intimidated and then as my eyes adjust to the darkness I begin to be able to make out the torture device lurking in the shadows. Dr B. is very efficient. She peruses the notes she has about me, takes a quick look at my eyes then tells me to go up to the Eye and Ear Hospital to have another image taken of my eyes (some kind of ultrasound apparently). 

The hospital is just a short walk away and after a few wrong turns I eventually find my way to the imaging department. The most painful part is when I am told that this imaging will cost $70 and there is no Medicare rebate. The imaging is uncomfortable because one person holds my eyelids open with some cotton buds while another does the imaging, but it doesn't hurt at all and only takes a few seconds per eye. 

I return to Dr B. with my eye-images in hand. She takes a looks at them and mutters about my angles being narrow... pressures OK... cornea is thin... She assaults my eyes with more drops (anaesthetic and dilating drops this time), does another quick prod, then it's back to the waiting room for 30 mins to wait for my pupils to dilate. Eventually I am summoned back in and Dr B. sits me at the slit-lamp microscope and repeats all the eye testing that Dr O. did (including the unpleasant gonioscope - but she is much quicker and more matter of fact than Dr O. and it is all over and done with very quickly). 

Then we resume our formal seating arrangement either side of her desk where I get my diagnosis: closed (or narrow) angles, pre-disposing me towards closed angle glaucoma. Recommendation: laser eye surgery, an iridotomy specifically. Here's a brochure. Come back in two weeks when you have thought about it. (Code for "come back in two weeks so I can laser a hole in your iris".)

I ask about my weirdo pupil that goes oval-shaped from time to time. Hmm... well, that's probably just an eye migrane, nothing to do with your 'angles' and nothing to worry about. I am ushered out the door to the reception where another appointment is made and I am handed the account for $330. Now that really does hurt! 

So to get this straight. I have just spent 3 hours having my eyes uncomfortably poked and prodded, plus $400 on tests, imaging and specialist consultation. The problem I was concerned about (my weird pupil) is brushed off as not really important, and I am leaving with a newly diagnosed problem that I am told could escalate at any moment (though it probably won't) into a medical emergency... the kind that could result in loss of vision. Just great. 

I stumble out into the street. It's an overcast day, but my pupils are still dilated so everything is blurry and oh so bright! I feel silly wearing my sunglasses but it's the only way I can cope with the light. 

The next day...

After a few weeks of behaving normally, my eye does it's thing again, and this time DeepSpice manages to capture it: 

And since this photo was taken, I haven't had a repeat episode.

Dr O. again

I went back to see Dr O. again today (yep, that would be July 18th). He told me I should definitely let Dr B. shoot lasers into my eye... that he would do so if he was in my situation. And that I should come back and see him again in 3 months. 


He was also very excited to see the photo of my wonky pupil. Apparently this is quite rare and unique (but just something to monitor... not to worry about). Easy for him to say. 

YouTube links

Thanks to the Internet, I have been able to find out a lot more about all of this closed angle stuff. These YouTube clips have done a far better job of explaining the situation to me than either of the ophthalmologists did:

• Narrow Angle Glaucoma (1:12)
• Closed Angle Glaucoma animation (0:47)
• Short explanation of Iridotomy (0:21) 
• Long explanation of Iridotomy (4:35)

So I have decided to go ahead with the laser surgery. As for my weirdo pupil, I will have to see if I can train it to go wonky on command - maybe there's a career in the circus waiting for me.
--

Teen Wolf, now in technicolour

Me (reading the Green Guide): Oh gawd, Teen Wolf is on ABC2!
BallFiend: I want to watch it.
Me: No, you can’t watch it…
BallFiend: But it’s on ABC2!
Me: It’s on late at night, after the kids shows have finished. It’s a show for grown-ups. You can watch it when you are older.
BallFiend: What’s it about?
Me: It’s about a teenager who turns into a wolf.
BallFiend: Does he do wolf things?
DeepSpice: Yes, and people things too.
Me: It was made about 30 years ago!
DeepSpice: Is it really that old?
ME: It was released in 1985.
DeepSpice: So 27 years ago.
Me: Face it DeepSpice, we really are old.
BallFiend: Is it in black, white and brown?” (by brown, BallFiend means grey)

Gee thanks at lot BallFiend! Way to go making us feel really, really old.
--

Besties!

"You're my best sister!"
- Thumper, talking to BallFiend.

--

Blue book

Yesterday, BallFiend and Thumper were very excited to receive a letter in the mail, addressed to them.  BallFiend immediately opened it and found inside a gorgeous invitation to Cuz1’s first birthday party.

Today, I asked Thumper for ideas about what birthday present we could give Cuz1.
Thumper replied, “A book.” So I asked her what kind of book.
Thumper stated in no uncertain terms, “A blue book”.
Intrigued, I then asked, “What sort of blue book?”
Thumper said “One about lions... ummm no, I mean elephants".

So now I have the rather tall order of trying to find a blue book about elephants for Cuz1.
--

Big mouth

I want to have that whole big piece [of cantaloupe]. I can easily fit it in my mouth because I have a big mouth. 
- Thumper

Sunscreen substitute

I left the room for a moment whilst Thumper and BallFiend were sitting at the table eating yoghurt.

When I returned, about 30 seconds later, Thumper's forearms and hands were completely covered with yoghurt.

Me "Thumper, why did you wipe yoghurt all over your arms?"

BallFiend: "She said she was putting on sunscreen."

Me: "Thumper, were you pretending it was sunscreen?"

Thumper: "No I was pretending it was sour cream."

--

Bowling-club Belly

A quick postscript to my previous post:

I came down with gastro on Monday.

Though to be honest, it probably wasn't the burger that I ate at the bowling club. All symptoms point to a virus, so it probably wasn't nasty bacteria in the food.

I'm still getting over it today, five days later. DeepSpice has had it too, but not the kids. Having sick kids is horrible, especially if you are sick too. But in its own way, having healthy kids when you are sick is worse. They are full of energy when you are absolutely not.
--

Lawn bowls

Oh poor neglected blog... I know I still owe another post about the remainder of our holiday to Sydney. I've been horribly busy ever since we got home. That's the downside to a one-week holiday - one spends the next 3 weeks catching up on everything!

So in the meantime, here's a quick post about BallFiend's highlight of the weekend. But first some background. When BallFiend was about 2 years old, he happened to see a bit of the championship lawn bowls on TV, and has enjoyed watching it ever since.

BallFiend watching the Women's Triples Final
from the Queensland Open, 17 October 2009.

BallFiend has also asked to play lawn bowls (and ten pin bowling) on numerous occasions. I took him ten pin bowling when he was about 3 and a half, but so far he has never done lawn bowls. So when I saw an ad in the local paper saying that the local lawn bowls club was having a free "family day", I asked BallFiend if he wanted to go. And unsurprisingly, he did.

We bowled with another family that included three kids and their dad. The youngest kid was just 2 weeks older than BallFiend and the oldest was probably about 11 years old. BallFiend was easily a better bowler than any of the kids. On his best shot, he put the bowl only about 70cm from the jack. (And my best shot was only about 10cm better than this!)

For me the afternoon was a 'sociological experience'. Everyone was very friendly and welcoming. When we arrived, I was offered lunch - a free BBQ. (Despite being free, the food really didn't appeal to me: still-frozen supermarket white bread with cold snags and burgers, distinctly grey in colour. But I could not refuse the effervescent hospitality as every bowling club member, in succession, insisted that I have some lunch. The fact that we had already had lunch at home did not deter them.) Lunch was periodically interrupted by one of the ladies of the club ringing a bell to announce raffle prizes, or that more snags were on the way and various other things.

Blokey old blokes chortled and chatted around the bar. Ladies bustled about tidying up. And the best bit was the interior of the club room! It was straight out of another era... I'm not sure which one but definitely nineteen-something! (If you've seen Crackerjack, you'll know what I mean!) All that was missing was a portrait of the Queen.

But it was on our visit the the ladies toilets (BallFiend received an urgent call of nature, thus rescuing me from having to finish my lunch) that I was treated to the quintessential bowling club interior decor:

Vanity unit in the Ladies' toilets.

In case it is hard to see in the picture - the floor is covered in a plush blue carpet, the hand basins are circa 1950, and there are a lovely finishing touches on the vanity bench of fake flower arrangements and those gorgeous yellow tissue-box and soap dispenser covers. But even more delights awaited: the baby-blue coloured ceramic toilet bowl and seat in matching blue had BallFiend completely fascinated.

BallFiend is still six to twelve months too young to start playing competition bowls. But they are dead-keen to have more members (currently they have about 65 men and 20 women), so I reckon he could sneak in... Not sure that I'm up for it to take him along though. Going back in time was fun for an afternoon, but I don't think I could do it on a regular basis.
--

Land of the Roaches, part 1

This post comes to you live from Sydney, where we have been holidaying for the past few days.

Day 1 - Thursday 5th April

The trip began on Thursday morning with the kids' first time on an airplane. This was was soooo terribly exciting for BallFiend that he uttered nothing but "oh my god!" and "I just can't believe it!" for about the first half-hour (and that was just while we were in the car park and walking to the terminal).

The next half hour was filled with more fascinations as BallFiend watched our suitcase disappear through a hole in the wall on a conveyor belt, then went through the security screen process three times (the first two times he set off the alarm because he kept insisting on brushing his hands against the sides).

Next stop was for a babycino at the cafe - partly to appease Thumper who was getting annoyed with begin strapped into her toddler harness - but also to have a quick chat with a friend from work (who coincidentally was on her way to Sydney as well with her son and hubby, on the flight immedately before ours). After saying goodbye, we decided to kill time by showing the kids the sights of Tullamarine airport. However, we had barely walked 10 metres before we bumped into some more friends. After a short chat, we continued on our way, checking out the souvenier shop, the toilets and the chocolate shop before going to the Gate. The kids happily watched the goings-on at the airport out the windows and were particularly interested in watching the luggage being unloaded.

The plane ride was uneventful because the kids were (thankfully) well-behaved. BallFiend loved the sensation of 'lightness' as the plane took off. But I was surprised how disinterested he was in watching the view out the window (he was too busy playing with the tray-table). DeepSpice sat next to Thumper in the row behind me. Apparently she was a lot more restless than BallFiend especially later into the flight.

After landing, we collected our bags (more fascination for the kids - watching yet another conveyor belt), found our airport transfer car waiting right outside and were on our way. It was all so quick that we arrived at our accommodation only 35 mins after the plane landed.

The apartment is in a great location - just a short walk from the apartment where Gran and GrandPaul are staying and an even shorter (about 1 minute!) walk from the Lord Wolseley Hotel (which has quickly become the default dinner venue). Our apartment does have a number of shortcomings though... more on that later.

After settling in, and getting Thumper into bed for her afternoon nap (which required me to lie next to her until she fell asleep as it was her first time in a 'big bed' - as we had decided not to bother hiring a portacot for her), I wandered down to the local supermarket to meet Gran and shop for some breakfast supplies. While I was out, DeepSpice told me that he removed the carcasses of some seventy or more cockroaches from the kitchen! (Even so, there were still more to be found later: under the kids' beds and in pots in the kitchen cabinets).
All I could say was "ewww!" and feel glad that I hadn't had to see it.

After dinner, we got some very exhausted kids (and parents) off to bed. Unfortunately though, it was all too much for Thumper and she had terrible trouble falling asleep. So DeepSpice spent about an hour lying in bed with her to try and help her settle down.

I collapsed in front of the TV, with the balcony sliding door wide open (trying to catch some breeze to make the muggy climate more bareable) and was enjoying some peace and quiet when a massive, cockroach came flying in and started buzzing around the room. I freaked out and froze for a few moments, then called out to DeepSpice. But not getting any response, I realised that he had probably fallen asleep next to Thumper and that I was going to have to fend for myself. I grabbed an glass and managed to trap the revolting thing under it, right in the middle of the floor. Not wanting to have anything more to do with it, I tried to ignore it while waiting for DeepSpice to re-appear. It kept scuttling and buzzing about inside the glass and creeping me out.

My Facebook 'friends' were of little help, offering no sympathy and generally unhelpful suggestions like "whack it with a shoe (but gently so it doesn't explode too much)" and "wrap it in paper towel then stomp on it" (there's not a piece of paper towel, newspaper or anything like it to be found in this sparsely-furnished apartment). Not one friend offered to immediately fly up to Sydney to deal with it for me. Some even used my cockroach trauma as an excuse to reminisce about when they lived in roach-infested Sydney flats. I note that all these people now live in Melbourne.

What I don't get is why in the ongoing Melbourne vs Sydney debate, the cockroaches don't ever seem to be mentioned. As far as I am concerned this settles the debate once and for all. Sydney can score as many points as it wants on any scale it likes... whatever. Melbourne doesn't have cockroaches.

When I couldn't stand looking at or listening to the roach anymore, I dared to venture past it and went downstairs to rouse DeepSpice. It turned out that both Thumper and DeepSpice were still awake, so I swapped spots with DeepSpice, sending him up to dispose of the roach while I took a turn at trying to settle Thumper. Either I had a magic touch, or she had just become worn out enough, because she fell asleep next to me in about 10 minutes.
 
Day 2 - Friday 6th April

Our second day started off with a play at a local playground whilst waiting to meet Gran and GrandPaul. Then we all walked over to Darling Harbour. The walk there was bloody awful, across a pedestrian bridge that runs directly under the Western Distributor freeway - it's noisy, grimy, dark and dismal place. In complete contrast, Darling Harbour is great! Full of plants that green-up the whole area so you feel like you are in the tropics, and there's an amazing playground which BallFiend and Thumper absolutely loved!

After a while, we dragged the kids away so we could visit the Chinese Garden of Friendship. But of course being 'Good Friday', it was closed. So we decided to take a ride on the Monorail instead. But after two failed attempts to locate a station - first at the Convention Centre (the Sydney tourist signposting leaves a lot to be desired!) and then at Chinatown (the stop has been permanently closed but they let you walk all the way up two flights of escalators through a ghastly, glitzy shopping mall from the street entrance before they tell you this!) - we took a break at Paddy's Markets. GrandPaul needed to buy a hat, and DeepSpice and I decided that it was about time the kids had some lunch. So we followed Gran and GrandPaul into the chinzy hell that is acres of cheap imported plastic crap and before we could blink, BalFiend had found a ball that he wanted to buy. (And he has barely stopped nagging about it ever since.)

Then we finally made it onto the Monorail and did one full circuit, then another half circuit to get back to Darling Habour. Our plans to spend the afternoon at the Maritime Museum were abandoned as Thumper was flagging (admittedly so was I) so we all went back to the apartment for a rest.

Dinner was at Blue Fish and was very good! (And very welcoming of children too.) Then we took the kids home to bed; this time, BallFiend was the trouble-maker but he was finally asleep by 9.15 pm.



Next instalment - Day 3 at the Chinese Friendship Garden and the Powerhouse Museum and Day 4 at Taronga Zoo.
--

Flying turtles

A guest post from DeepSpice who overheard this on the way to school/creche today...

BallFiend: The mosquito flew out [of the car]!
Thumper: Mosquitoes don't have wings!
BallFiend: Yes they do - tiny ones.
Thumper: Not big wings like turtles! 

Postscript:
Tonight, I was reliably informed by Thumper that turtles have "flappers". When I corrected her and suggested "flippers" might be what she meant, she asserted that "no, they have flappers!" Apparently, after the above conversation on the way to school, BallFiend explained some turtle-anatomy to Thumper. She then told me that penguins have flappers too.

So now you know.

--

Dirty words

"But I like being dirty Mum! Don’t you like my dirtiness?"
- Thumper, after smearing the middle of her cheese-and-vegemite sandwich all over her face and hands, then rubbing the bread into crumbs and scattering them all over the floor. 

As annoyed as I was with the mess, I was impressed with her grammar.
--

The washing-folding experience

Scene: DeepSpice and Stompy are folding washing whilst watching TV. A pile of folded washing is gradually growing larger in the middle of the couch.

DeepSpice holds up a quilt cover cover.

DeepSpice: Please hold this.

The doona cover brushes against the pile of folded washing. A pair of Stompy's socks falls to the floor.

Stompy: You just knocked my socks off.

It had to be said.
--

Engineering the situation

Thumper went over to the duplo tower that BallFiend had built sometime earlier. She picked it up and smashed it into a zillion pieces. Then she started building a new tower, whilst thinking aloud:

BallFiend's going to be upset I broke his tower.
I'll say 'Sorry it was an accident.'
And I'll say 'I'm fixing your tower for you.'
And BallFiend will say 'Thank you'.

Luckily BallFiend wasn't around when this happened and didn't even notice the destruction and rebuilding of his tower.

In Thumper's defence, I feel it necessary to point out that the duplo was given to Thumper for her second birthday by Gran and GrandPaul. 
--

Eyebrows

Thumper: "Purple matches your eyebrows."
Me: Why?
Thumper: "Because your eyebrows are pink."
--

Just a little help please

At Gran and GrandPaul's house this morning, Thumper had selected a car park/garage toy and a little toy car to play with. She was trying carry them from one room to another, but was having trouble because the car park/garage toy is very heavy. "Gran!" she called out, "Can you help me carry please?"

When Gran went to help, Thumper handed her the little toy car and continued to struggle with carrying the car park/garage toy herself.

--

School work - a boat

After school on Friday, BallFiend was telling us about his day. He said he had made a boat using "those blocks that you nail into a piece of foam" and was trying (with some difficulty) to describe what he had done. So I suggested he draw us a picture. 

Everything in this picture is BallFiend's drawing, except for the two trapezoid shapes
which he asked me to draw. (The scribbled-out shape on the left is his first attempt at a trapezoid that he was not happy with!)

After drawing the boat, he added the "half-a-circle shape" (ie. semi-circle) and the "circle with a face on it" at top of page when he was explaining that there were other blocks available but he didn't use them.

I thought his teacher Nerida might be interested to see this drawing, so I emailed it to her and this morning she sent me back a photo of his original boat: 

Nerida said that they looked at it as a class, turned the photo of it into a diagram and wrote about it.
I'm still not quite sure where this is all leading... maybe he's going to be a boat builder or something. (And given the amount of rain we have had today, we might be needing an ark!)

And I'm yet to find out from BallFiend what the yellow circle represents, but I do like the way that, amongst all the angular blocks, he has ensured that his favourite round shape is included.
--

Update, 28 February: I found out that the yellow circle is the propeller. Duh! 
--

Big or small, either way it's impressive

I have to thank ThingMaker for tipping me off about this one...

The Scale of the Universe 2 is an interactive that shows just how big and just how teeny-tiny things in the Universe are. After spending most of the evening exploring it the other night, I knew that BallFiend would love it. But I hadn't realised just how much he would love it.

When I showed it to BallFiend tonight, he was so overwhelmed by how awesome it is that he was almost speechless... for a long time, the only phrase he could manage was "Oh Man!" over and over again. Eventually he was also able to manage a few more phrases: "Go bigger, go bigger!" and "Go smaller, go smaller!". After a solid 45 minutes of exploring the scale of the universe, we finally had to drag him away to bed.

And which bit was the best? Seeing all the ball-shaped stars, each one bigger than the next - of course! 
--

Mad as hell

DeepSpice and I are very unhappy with BallFiend today. Actually that's putting mildly. We are furious...

Up until he started school, BallFiend had a swimming lesson every Monday morning at the civilised time of 11 am. Then, a few weeks before he started school, I moved heaven and earth to secure a weekend lesson time for him.

In the end, the only time available was at the very uncivilised time of Sundays at 9am. I considered not doing swimming until a less-masochistic lesson time became available. But the staff member at the pool talked me around:

• The instructor for the Sunday 9am lesson was a man that had been a fill-in teacher once or twice before and BallFiend had liked him. 
• We would still have our whole Sunday free to do other things. (Compared with an 11 am lesson that basically writes-off the entire day.) 
• I also thought that since we have to be at school by 9am five days a week, having to be somewhere by 9am on a Sunday would help to keep us in the routine. 

So I booked BallFiend in for the 9am Sunday lesson and then each Monday for the preceding three weeks, I checked with the swimming pool staff to make sure his Sunday lesson booking was confirmed. (I have several other friends who have booked lessons for their kids, then on the day they turn up to start, the swimming pool staff have mucked up the lesson times, leaving them very frustrated.)  I was assured everything was in order for BallFiend to start his Sunday 9am lesson from 12 February.

Early this morning, I roused everyone in the house so we could get BallFiend to the pool on time. DeepSpice agreed to take him and I stayed home with Thumper. I warned DeepSpice about how the pool staff have mucked up a lot of lesson bookings and that if for some reason they don't have BallFiend booked in, he should throw a proper tantrum about it.

As it turned out, it was BallFiend who was the problem, not the administratively-challenged pool staff. At 9.05 am, I got a message from DeepSpice saying that BallFiend is refusing to go in the pool. At 9.22 am, I got a second message: "We are coming home..."

So, today we wasted $12.00 on a swimming lesson that BallFiend wouldn't participate in and got up early on a Sunday morning for nothing. Now DeepSpice and I are racking our brains trying to come up with a 'natural consequence' that will fit the behaviour. It all seems so pointless. That Sunday morning sleep-in is something we can never get back.
--

Not enough balls

Over the past week I have watched enthusastically as various friends' shared stories about their young'uns starting school. I loved seeing the photos (as they gradually trickled in on Facebook) of teeny kids burdened under enormous back packs, faces lost under hats with brims the size of beach umbrellas. Little Miss L particularly notable in her school dress with a giant 1970s-esqe collar. (Actually the collar was normal size, but Little Miss L is very petite.)

And so I watched, and waited for our turn.

Although Term 1 officially started on 1st February, most schools had one or two student-free days while they got themselves organised. Then (at many schools), kids started on 2nd or 3rd February. A few delayed even longer until 6th February. But at BallFiend's school, the preps didn't start until today, 7th February. The last six days has probably been the second-longest wait of my life, second only to waiting for BallFiend and Thumper to be born (Thumper was a lazy 5 days overdue and BallFiend a very reluctant 10 days overdue!)

So finally today, we got to experience it for ourselves: BallFiend's first day of prep! Thankfully, he had a great day. (And so did I!)


Thumper got the day underway at 6.40 am with a rousing scream and much wailing from her cot, trashing my plan to get up at 6.45 am, shower and dress before waking the kids at 7.00 am. Still, everything went pretty smoothly and we were all ready to leave at 8.10 am (20 minutes ahead of schedule... but only because I had decided to drive for the first day, rather than risk having BallFiend arrive already exhausted from walking/scooting the 2km to school. Eventually, we will be walking/scooting/cycling and leaving at 8.15 am).

We parked a few blocks away (outside another SaxomophoneSu's house - more on that later) and walked down to school. Or rather I walked, pushing Thumper in the stroller. BallFiend skipped along (proper, big skips with serious air!) and an enormous, cheesy grin spread right across his face (though I had to bend down and peer under the enormous brim of his hat to see it). I now know that 'ear-to-ear grin' is not just an idiom!

We arrived at school at 8.35 am. BallFiend went straight up to his teacher and said "Hello Nerida!" and she promptly informed him that she had lots of balls and marbles ready for him to play with. She had also labelled his bag-hook with a green name-tag. (Nerida has clearly been reading BallFiend's Transition Statement, good teacher.)

We went into the classroom learning community and looked around. BallFiend soon located:

1. The "Earth ball" (globe of the Earth).
2. The 'jingly balls'.
3. The basket of marbles.
4. A spherical colander (of all things!) which he was completely fascinated by. (I have to admit, I was curious too... never seen anything like that before).

 A few of BallFiend's creche friends arrived, but all the kids were to shy or emotional or plain excited to say hello, so we continued to explore the room. As more families arrived to drop off kids, the room became more chaotic. Then the bell rang, so Thumper and I said goodbye to BallFiend and left. No tears - from him or me.

Thumper on the other hand... first she had a tantrum because she wanted to go to the "playeen'ground". And then because "I want BallFiend to give me a cuddle!". However we continued on to our next stop: a champagne breakfast at SaxomophoneSu's house. Apparently it is customary for prep parents to have a champagne breakfast (or 'beers and tears') after first-day drop off, though I didn't know this until I got the invitation from SaxomophoneSu. She had invited all the families who had had children at creche together last year.

It was a lovely morning (which, for some of us, extended on into the afternoon on account of the champagne!) - the perfect thing to do in honour of our little preppies' first day of school. Thumper had a wonderful time grazing away on all the yummy food and playing with MasterC's toys. By late morning, it was just myself, SaxomophoneSu and RainbowSerpent left and we got into a music-sharing mode, initiated by RainbowSerpent showing us Somebody that I used to know by Gyote followed by a very impressive cover by Walk off the Earth), then listening to various recordings of SaxomophoneSu playing in her various bands.


I arrived home a little after 1.00 pm, just in time for Thumper to have a nap before going back to school to collect BallFiend.

Based on what most other parents have told I was expecting I would be picking up an over-tired child who would be unlikely to tell me anything about his day. So I was pleasantly surprised when my boy emerged from his room, still wearing the ear-to-ear grin. He didn't immediately tell me much about his day, but over the rest of the afternoon and evening, I was given lots of details, including:

• There was a red ball, and a blue bouncy ball, and a few yellow balls that bounced and a red ball that bounced and blue ball that bounced and a painted netball that was blue and a yellow netball and that was it. That's all the balls. And a few tennis balls. (Me: Not many balls then?) And little, round balls that kids were newsing [that's how BallFiend says 'using'] as tennis balls and that was about it. (So not enough balls at school?) No. (What about in your room, where there balls in there?) There was only marbles and two jingly balls and a metal cylinder that you could roll around with something in it.
• There was red, blue, yellow, green, purple and orange... We a colour wheel [in art class] to colour-in. There was only pencils, crayons and textas. There was no paints. 
• A boy pushed and shoved me, and then he smacked me. (Why?) Because I was already sitting down and he said that was where he was sitting and he wanted me to move. And I told him I was there first. I said 'why don't you sit behind me' but he kept pushing me so I told the teacher. And then the teacher smacked him. (I don't believe that, teachers don't smack children. What really happened?) Nerida said we will all have to help each other learn the right way to behave. 
• I did the cooking and the cooking was very fun and I had glubs [gloves] on to protect my skin. (What did you cook?) Pasta! (His cheesy, ear-to-ear grin suddenly - and impossibly - widens) And I cooked some! It was for lunch and little lunch. It was brown pasta. (And what did you put on the pasta?) Bolognese sauce. (Who did the cooking?) Me! (And did one teacher help? Which teacher?) Nerida. (Where's the kitchen? Where did you do the cooking?) It was in the storeroom and they got it out. It was just a small kind of stove and they just wheeled it out. There was enough for every kid!
• I love my buddy (Aaron, an older child assigned to show BallFiend the ropes). He is my best friend. He took me to play on an old slide, near the place where you are not allowed to go. (I assume he is referring to the front area of the school which is off-limits to the kids). He likes the same song I do. He likes Party Rock Anthem!

--

Sculpting reality

Thumper is busily playing with playdough...

"What are you making now?" I ask.

"That is a pile of dog poo." she states, in a very matter of fact way.

--

The Big Talk

Recently, BallFiend has become increasingly curious about bodies, specifically his and his peers (as is completely normal for his age). He wants to see how bodies are anatomically the same or different and to know all about they function.

A few weeks ago, when BallFiend had a friend was over for a play, things went a step further, beyond looking to touching. Just slightly freaked out, I decided I had to be a bit more proactive about educating him. I rang Parentline for some advice and, amongst other things, they recommended Talk Soon. Talk Often. A guide for parents talking to their kids about sex (published by the Department of Health in Western Australia) and a book Everybody's got a bottom by Tess Rowley.

Over the next few weeks, we had a few conversations about touching being OK if he does it to himself, but not OK if he is touching someone else. And I continued to answer many questions about bodies. At the library, when I went to pick up Everybody's got a bottom, I also found "So That's where I came from" by Gina Dawson.

Both books proved to be great hits with BallFiend. He absolutely loved "Everybody's got a bottom" - mainly the page where the two-year old sister has a nudie-run (sound familiar Thumper?). Initially I had thought that So That's where I came from would be too advanced for him as it is quite detailed. But he insisted that we read it. So I sat down and did as I was told. I didn't read it word for word, as a lot of the wording was too advanced. I paraphrased it and we talked about the pictures, which worked really well.

I have to say, despite perceiving myself as being quite open about sex, it was still a bit scary doing "The Talk" - and I mean the whole thing from start to end, not just bits and pieces in response to specific questions. But now that it's done, I have realised that BallFiend is a good age for it. He really does seem to only think about it in quite 'scientific' terms. It's not icky or weird or strange... yet.

I realise we are going to have to do The Talk many more times, but now that I have done it once, I know it will be easier to do again. And after reading Mummy how are babies made? in The Age today, I am now feeling really glad that BallFiend already has the basics at age 5, so I don't end up explaining it for the first time over dinner at a restaurant. (Although, no doubt, I will end up answering many other more-embarassing questions instead. Just hopefully nothing like the situation Catherine Deveny describes in her book Free to a Good Home where she tells of her son asking her at the family dinner table if she masturbates (p.155 if you want to read it for yourself! It's very funny reading that will make you squirm).

Postscript: 
One thing that I have become increasingly annoyed about when trying to find suitable books/resources on the topic for BallFiend is the lack of things suitable for pre-school aged kids. This is in fact exactly why Everybody's got a bottom was published. But so far I haven't found anything else that is both age appropriate. (So That's where I came from is really aimed at kids aged about 9 years or older.) There are plently of non-fiction books for young kids that explain how human bodies work, usually structured with a page per body system. They happily explain respiration, circulation, digestion, skin, senses, bones, muscles and even the urinary system, but not a single one has a page on the reproductive system. This contradicts the advice given in resources like Talk soon. Talk often. which recommends that parents normalise genitals by talking about them as just another part of the body.
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Nobody's knocking

In the midst of another round of joke-telling (at BallFiend's insistence), I came up with this one. It was completely spontaneous: I didn't think it up before telling it... the words just poured out of my mouth:

"Knock Knock. Who's There? Nobody. That's why I'm telling this joke myself."

DeepSpice and BallFiend both loved it. I have to admit that I even made myself laugh!
--

Who's there?

Several times over the past week...

BallFiend: Knock Knock
DeepSpice/Me: Who's there?
BF: Boo!
DS/Me: Boo who?
BF: Don't cry, there's nothing to cry about.

Then today...

Thumper: Knock knock. Don't cry. Knock knock. What are you crying about? Don't cry. Knock knock. Don't cry about it.

--

Can we fix it? Probably.

Thumper: Barb the boolder, can we fix it? Barb the boolder yes we can, no we can't.

BallFiend: Thumper, it's Bob the builder.

Thumper: Barb the boolder, can we fix it? Barb the boolder yes we can, no we can't.

BallFiend: Thumper, sing "Bob the builder"!

Thumper: Barb the boolder we can fix it.

BallFiend: No, sing "Bob. The. Builder."

Thumper: Barb the boolder no we can't.

BallFiend: Thumper!! Say "Bob".

Thumper: Bob.

BallFiend: Now sing "the"

Thumper: Boolder

BallFiend: No! Say "the"

Thumper: The.

BallFiend: Builder. Yes we can.

Thumper: No we can't.

BallFiend: No! It's "yes we can"!

Thumper:  Bob the builder, yes we can.

Both kids then continued to sing together... sort of.

--

To state the obvious...

Thumper: "Miki makya bog!"
DeepSpice: "Miki makya bog?"
Thumper: "I'm playing a silly game, not talking to you!"
--

Surprise delivery

Thumper, for the record: at ripe of age 2 years, 4 months, and 10 days, you did your first (proper) poo in the potty.

You were playing around out the back (having a quick 'nudie run' before bedtime), busily clipping pegs onto the side of the peg basket, when you suddenly called out saying you had a wee. So I called out to DeepSpice to get the potty! You sat on it for a few seconds and then stood up. "A wee, a wee!" you proudly declared, showing me the empty potty. I duly congratulated you for your efforts and went back to cleaning up after dinner.

About 5 minutes later, you called out again, so DeepSpice went to see what was up. "A wee on my bike" you helpfully informed him. So after your little ride-on toy was cleaned up, we again left you playing happily outside.

Ten minutes later and we were once again summoned - this time you were carrying your potty to the back door. "A poo! A poo in the potty!" I have to admit that I was skeptical. But sure enough, this time, you had delivered - there was indeed a poo in the potty. My first concern was where else there might be poo. But thankfully your feet were clean and that meant the surrounding area was (most likely) clear too.

Just between you and me, at this point in time, I am so completely over nappies and I can't wait till you no longer need them. So congratulations and keep up the good work!
--

Opposable thumbs

BallFiend has done important research today and has established that the Octonauts could in fact play mini golf, on account of them having opposable thumbs but could not hold a marble between their fingers, on account of all their fingers being joined into one.

The back story: BallFiend decided this morning that the Octonauts are coming to visit us today, but when they hadn't arrived by 10 am, he went out to check the letterbox as he had decided they must have sent him a letter. By lunchtime, he had decided the Octonauts will be coming to his birthday party (which will be a mini-golf party), but when I questioned their ability to hold a mini golf club, he got out the Octonauts DVD to check their picture.

I also found out that Captain Barnacles is his favourite Octonaut because 'he is in charge'. Make of that what you will.
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Cushion-y protection

BallFiend, sitting on the couch, building a cushion-fort around himself: "I need to put these here so hands can't get in and tickle my toes."

(Thanks to DeepSpice for noting this down while I was at work.)
--

Really?

"Dad, you're being sarcasm."

-- BallFiend

Secret birthday business

Having just emerged from the post-celebration haze of DeepSpice's birthday week, I am now taking a moment recount the events of the past week...

DeepSpice celebrated his personal new year in early January. Typically, it is a very inconvenient time to have a birthday since:
a) I am always too exhausted after all the xmas shopping to be organised enough to get him a birthday present;
b) any plans of taking him out to a fancy restuarant are thwarted by the fact that just about everything is closed during early January; and
c) it is usually so bloody hot, all either of us can manage to do is lie around in front of a fan with a wet cloth on our foreheads, while eating mangoes.

But this year, several weeks before xmas, I had already acquired DeepSpice's birthday present (a scarf), arranged babysitting with Gran and GrandPaul for Saturday night and, as luck would have it, the weather turned out to be mild throughout the entire week surrounding DeepSpice's birthday.

Cheese!

So on the night of his actual birthday, I held a fondue party, straight out of the 1970s fondue pot that had belonged to my parents. (Highly appropriate since DeepSpice is a child of the 70s!)

DeepSpice demonstrates sword-swallowing during his Cheese-Fondue birthday dinner.

I consulted with VolubleK, conveniently now a fondue expert since her move to France, and on her advice selected a good white wine (since apparently red wine and cheese fondue are not a good mix):  a 2001 Rosevears Estate Sauvignon Blanc (which had matured nicely in our cellar since our trip to Tassie back in around 2002 or 2003). Fresh ciabatta from the Mediterranean Wholesalers and Gruyere cheese from the local deli, plus an assortment of other items to dip into melted cheese sauce rounded out the meal and we (DeepSpice, me, Gran, GrandPaul, BallFiend and Thumper) all ate ourselves to oblivion. The hardest part of the whole event was shopping for the supplies with two small children underfoot. As I commented on Facebook:

"The worst of it when I was at the deli, busy talking to the deli-girl about what I wanted to buy. BallFiend gave the trolley (which contained Thumper) a shove, straight towards the shelf stacked with eggs. The only thing between the trolley and a scrambled-egg disaster was a pensioner on a walking frame."

Trifle!

Then, instead of a birthday cake, DeepSpice got a trifle, partly because I know how much he loves them (whereas I can't stand them! Whoever thought of mixing jelly and custard? Urgh!) and partly because I had cake crumbs to use up (a result of my dropping a lemon sour cream cake I had made a few days earlier for the new year's eve party at RedJo's house). Unfortunately my first ever attempt at trifle-making did not equal my first-ever attempt at cheese fondue making. The cake was a bit dry, the jelly didn't quite set properly and the custard was too runny. But DeepSpice, Gran and GrandPaul were polite enough to eat a bit anyway.

Surprise!

On the weekend after DeepSpice's actual birthday, I successfully pulled off the big surprise (despite GrandPaul nearly giving too much away a few days before): a night away on Mt Dandenong at a Sassafrass B&B, with dinner at a local restaurant, most importantly, sans-kids! In the weeks leading up to his birthday, I had asked DeepSpice what he wanted to do and he had suggested a picnic at the Melbourne botanical gardens. So instead, I took him to William Ricketts Sanctuary and the Alfred Nicholas Memorial Gardens. I had plans to fit in at least one more garden, but a very rainy Sunday morning saw us stay in and enjoy a long and leisurely delicious breakfast instead.

Scones!

We finished off our weekend away with devonshire tea in Olinda (which was overpriced, and came with very average service, but the surroundings were lovely and peaceful) and returned home to collect our little darlings.

Sleep-over!


Thumper fared well on her first-ever night away from both DeepSpice and I. And of course BallFiend loved his 'holiday' with Gran and GrandPaul. Unfortunately, Gran and GrandPaul didn't fare so well, both having taken their child-caring responsibities extremely seriously meant they got very little sleep overnight. But they still functioned well enough to bake a chocolate cake, even with the help of two kids...!


Now that birthday celebrations are done with for this year, I will have to start planning for next year. And even more importantly for the big 4-0 in two years time, when DeepSpice and I will be visiting VolubleK and family in France, perhaps for an authentic French fondue. Yum!
--

Overheard...

"Hello man, yes man. I'm going to Zumba, man. I'm going shopping. Hello Gran, I'm going to Zumba, see you later. Bye. I love you. Hello Gran. I'm going shopping - you want some milk?

- Thumper, on the car phone.

Don't interrupt: toddler at work

"Stop 'terrupting me!"
- Thumper, whenever she's not getting her own way.

NYE 2011

Ever since BallFiend came on the scene, my night-time social life has been somewhat curtailed. (Actually, I can't really blame BallFiend... I'd stopped being a party animal soon after I finished uni and got a full time job). Anyway, I can't actually remember the last time I went to a New Year's Eve party. That might be because I had such a good time. But more likely it is because it was so long ago. 

So I was very exciting to receive an invitation from RedJo and CT:

Hi Everyone,

To save (us) finding a babysitter, We are going to have a NYE party at our place this year. We'll start with a kid-friendly BBQ and red cordial at say 5 or 6, then put progressively more exotic animals on the BBQ and less water in the cordial until we all fall over.

Hope you can come!

CT and RedJo 

The party was heaps of fun... just like those all-nighters we used to do when I was in my teens and 20s, except:
a) the grog was soooooo much better quality,
b) we had proper (and yummy!) food, not just packets of Twisties, and
c) we had to leave by 12.15 pm with our very over-tired children (but I was super-impressed that they managed to stay awake until midnight! By 10.30 pm, Thumper was walking like she was drunk.)

Once home, I became a whirlwind of activity and had the kids into PJs, teeth brushed and into bed within 10 minutes! I have never done this before, even when completely sober, so I have no idea how it happened this time.  Even more amazing: I achieved it all on my own, with no help from DeepSpice (who, he told me later, was simply looking on in amazement and trying to stay out of my way).

It was a fantastic way to usher in the new year, and 2012 could have only got better if Thumper hadn't decided to wake us up at 6.45 am.

--

Stairway to Escher

BallFiend did a drawing today... whipped it up in a minute or two, while he was waiting for a ride on the kiddie-train at Santaland in a Melbourne department store. At the time, I didn't even look at it, just grabbed it and shoved it in the bag as we hurried off when his turn came up.

It wasn't until we were back at home and he explained it to me that I realised it was pretty clever for a 5 year old...

"It's a staircase. And you can turn it this way [he rotates the paper 180 degrees] and it's the same staircase." he explained.

I showed DeepSpice when he got home from work, who promptly recognised it as rotational symmetry.

It's looking like BallFiend is going to have greater mathematical aptitude than his mother!
--

bum bum apple mum

"Good night. I love you. I hope you sleep well bum bum apple mum [or dad]."
- Thumper saying goodnight to me [or DeepSpice]... this has been standard, every night for the past few weeks.

--

Thumper's first (real) spew

Despite her proficiency with 'spewing' as a baby, Thumper has never actually vomited in her two-and-a-bit years. That all changed today...

Gran was walking home with Thumper in the stroller after visiting Auntie Isobel, when Thumper (who had complained of feeling uncomfortable earlier) vomited all over her blankie, the outside of her clothes, the inside of her clothes and the stroller.

Not sure why she got sick - she had been fine in the morning when Gran collected her (I was taking BallFiend to school for his final orientation session then going to work, so Thumper was spending the day with Gran and GrandPaul).

Apparently she didn't eat for the rest of the day, but when I got back to pick her up after work, she was starting to perk up. She ate a full dinner (which worries me a little... what sort of a night am I in for!), had a bath, and seemed almost back to normal - though was quite a lot more snuggly than usual.

And so another childhood milestone is achieved. We've done well, considering BallFiend had his first vomit on his first birthday.
--

Nearly a school kid

I took BallFiend to his new school today for the fifth and final orientation session. So far, he has been twice in August (a one-hour music session, and a one-hour library session), once in October (a one-hour 'hang-out in the classroom' session) and once in November (for another 'hang-out' session). Today was a slightly longer (90 minute) session for the kids met their home group teacher and the other kids in their home group*. BallFiend has been placed in a home group with several other boys from his creche, including one boy that he is particularly chummy with, MasterN and his teacher is Nerida.

Gran collected Thumper at 8.30 am (because after dropping BallFiend off at school, I was going to a 'planning day' at work). The orientation session started at 9.30 am, so it was almost like the real thing... I was taking BallFiend to school, then heading off to work.

We left home at about 9.10 am, caught a tram 5 stops down the road, then did the short walk to school (about 10 minutes). I took BallFiend into his classroom, settled him in, kissed him and said goodbye. Then I walked out of the school gate, back to the tram stop (only took about 5 minutes this time) and went to work.

I didn't really feel sad when I left BallFiend at school but it all felt very surreal... just leaving him there like that. The doors are open and the gates are unlocked. There was nothing to keep him in. Someone had warned me about that a while ago... at creche there's two doors to get past, both with pin-code locks. At school... nothing!


GrandPaul picked BallFiend up at 11.00 am and apparently BallFiend 'couldn't remember' anything about his time in the Prep room. I got the same story when I got back from work:
"BallFiend, how was your day at Prep? What did you do?"
"Oh, I can't remember." replied BallFiend.
A bit later he came up with a few sketchy details (after quite a bit of prompting on my part):

• "There were no balls."
• "I played blocks that had plastic inside and wood outside."
• "There were no toys because they forgot to put them out. But there will be toys next year."
• "We read a story."
• And most importantly: "I did farts with MasterN".

*The school doesn't have 'classes' or 'classrooms'. Instead a group of about 20 kids is a 'home group', and there are 2 - 3 Prep home groups in the learning community (the physical space, kind of like a classroom). The whole of Prep (there are 5 home groups in total) form the Prep learning community. It sounds very different, and it is. At the school information evening, the Principal used the RSA Changing Education Paradigms video clip to explain the school's philosophy and approach.
--