The Big Talk

Recently, BallFiend has become increasingly curious about bodies, specifically his and his peers (as is completely normal for his age). He wants to see how bodies are anatomically the same or different and to know all about they function.

A few weeks ago, when BallFiend had a friend was over for a play, things went a step further, beyond looking to touching. Just slightly freaked out, I decided I had to be a bit more proactive about educating him. I rang Parentline for some advice and, amongst other things, they recommended Talk Soon. Talk Often. A guide for parents talking to their kids about sex (published by the Department of Health in Western Australia) and a book Everybody's got a bottom by Tess Rowley.

Over the next few weeks, we had a few conversations about touching being OK if he does it to himself, but not OK if he is touching someone else. And I continued to answer many questions about bodies. At the library, when I went to pick up Everybody's got a bottom, I also found "So That's where I came from" by Gina Dawson.

Both books proved to be great hits with BallFiend. He absolutely loved "Everybody's got a bottom" - mainly the page where the two-year old sister has a nudie-run (sound familiar Thumper?). Initially I had thought that So That's where I came from would be too advanced for him as it is quite detailed. But he insisted that we read it. So I sat down and did as I was told. I didn't read it word for word, as a lot of the wording was too advanced. I paraphrased it and we talked about the pictures, which worked really well.

I have to say, despite perceiving myself as being quite open about sex, it was still a bit scary doing "The Talk" - and I mean the whole thing from start to end, not just bits and pieces in response to specific questions. But now that it's done, I have realised that BallFiend is a good age for it. He really does seem to only think about it in quite 'scientific' terms. It's not icky or weird or strange... yet.

I realise we are going to have to do The Talk many more times, but now that I have done it once, I know it will be easier to do again. And after reading Mummy how are babies made? in The Age today, I am now feeling really glad that BallFiend already has the basics at age 5, so I don't end up explaining it for the first time over dinner at a restaurant. (Although, no doubt, I will end up answering many other more-embarassing questions instead. Just hopefully nothing like the situation Catherine Deveny describes in her book Free to a Good Home where she tells of her son asking her at the family dinner table if she masturbates (p.155 if you want to read it for yourself! It's very funny reading that will make you squirm).

Postscript: 
One thing that I have become increasingly annoyed about when trying to find suitable books/resources on the topic for BallFiend is the lack of things suitable for pre-school aged kids. This is in fact exactly why Everybody's got a bottom was published. But so far I haven't found anything else that is both age appropriate. (So That's where I came from is really aimed at kids aged about 9 years or older.) There are plently of non-fiction books for young kids that explain how human bodies work, usually structured with a page per body system. They happily explain respiration, circulation, digestion, skin, senses, bones, muscles and even the urinary system, but not a single one has a page on the reproductive system. This contradicts the advice given in resources like Talk soon. Talk often. which recommends that parents normalise genitals by talking about them as just another part of the body.
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