Preparing for #2

Went to a meeting of my local ABA group this morning... first one for quite some time. BallFiend walked right in and made himself at home, gathering up every ball in sight (and many not in plain sight too). By the time we left, 2 hours later, he had collected about 8 balls.

As is usual for an ABA meeting, the morning tea was excellent - cake, muffins, biscuits, crackers and dip, etc. I had quickly whipped up a coconut slice to take this morning (straight out of the recipe book from BallFiend's creche). The downside was that BallFiend gutsed himself on all these sweet things and would not eat lunch. The other downside was that due to feeling nauseous from being on antibiotics for the tonsillitis that just won't let up, I didn't feel like indulging in the morning tea treats.

Of course, ABA meetings are not (all) about the food. I had made an effort to get to this particular meeting because the topic was: "Your toddler and the new baby." I went along to pick the brains of those who have already crossed this bridge. Surprisingly, I didn't really hear anything new - just a lot of tips that I have already thought of or heard/read elsewhere, including:

• Have the baby give the toddler a present.
• In the first few weeks, try to give the toddler plenty of attention and don't worry too much about encouraging the toddler interact with the newborn - let the toddler do this on their own terms.
• Use DVDs and TV shows to keep the toddler entertained when feeding the newborn.
• Set out a snack and an activity for the toddler to do before sitting down to feed the newborn.
  
• Get out of the house for a walk.
• If the toddler and the baby are asleep at the same time, lie down and rest - don't worry about tackling housework!
• Get the toddler used to taking turns now, and used to not always having their mother's full attention, so that they accept that their mother will need to 'take turns' looking after the newborn in between playing with the toddler.
  

It amazes me that there is so little (prescriptive) advice when it comes to second babies. It is such a strong contrast to having the first baby where people cannot wait to shove advice down your throat. The mothers at the meeting today agreed that when it's your second baby, people look at a healthy, robust toddler and assume you must have at least some degree of competence, so just leave you alone.

Strangely, I feel quite calm about the arrival of Baby #2 in several months time and it is this that makes me anxious: I am anxious about not being anxious enough! How stupid! My main concerns -- all of which are probably quite reasonable -- are:

• Sleep deprivation but not getting to 'sleep when the baby sleeps' and as a result, being grumpy and losing my temper a lot because I will be so tired.
• How BallFiend will behave once the baby is born: that he might hurt the baby (he hates it when I hold other babies now and tries to push them off my lap).; and how I will make time to play with BallFiend to try and prevent jealous behaviours towards the baby.
• Not having the luxury of time to focus entirely on the newborn. I really enjoyed watching BallFiend develop day-by-day - newborns grow and develop so quickly you can see it happening. I have a feeling that Baby #2 will suddenly be 4 months old and I will realise that I blinked and missed the newborn stage!
  
• Not having a spare moment to spend with DeepSpice (or any other adult for that matter!)
• Making time to prepare for birth - yoga, exercise, reading childbirth books, etc.
• Getting things 'in order' before Baby #2 arrives, eg. finishing off the last bits of painting, house repairs, moving BallFiend from a cot to a bed, tidying up and getting rid of the clutter that is everywhere.

Anyway I can check one thing off the 'getting things in order' list - I finally organised for a sparky to come and install extra lights in the kitchen ceiling, wire in the pumps for the garden pond (from when we landscaped the garden a year ago!) and remove a powerpoint which was in the way of where a bookshelf is to go.
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