Preparing for #2

Went to a meeting of my local ABA group this morning... first one for quite some time. BallFiend walked right in and made himself at home, gathering up every ball in sight (and many not in plain sight too). By the time we left, 2 hours later, he had collected about 8 balls.

As is usual for an ABA meeting, the morning tea was excellent - cake, muffins, biscuits, crackers and dip, etc. I had quickly whipped up a coconut slice to take this morning (straight out of the recipe book from BallFiend's creche). The downside was that BallFiend gutsed himself on all these sweet things and would not eat lunch. The other downside was that due to feeling nauseous from being on antibiotics for the tonsillitis that just won't let up, I didn't feel like indulging in the morning tea treats.

Of course, ABA meetings are not (all) about the food. I had made an effort to get to this particular meeting because the topic was: "Your toddler and the new baby." I went along to pick the brains of those who have already crossed this bridge. Surprisingly, I didn't really hear anything new - just a lot of tips that I have already thought of or heard/read elsewhere, including:

• Have the baby give the toddler a present.
• In the first few weeks, try to give the toddler plenty of attention and don't worry too much about encouraging the toddler interact with the newborn - let the toddler do this on their own terms.
• Use DVDs and TV shows to keep the toddler entertained when feeding the newborn.
• Set out a snack and an activity for the toddler to do before sitting down to feed the newborn.
  
• Get out of the house for a walk.
• If the toddler and the baby are asleep at the same time, lie down and rest - don't worry about tackling housework!
• Get the toddler used to taking turns now, and used to not always having their mother's full attention, so that they accept that their mother will need to 'take turns' looking after the newborn in between playing with the toddler.
  

It amazes me that there is so little (prescriptive) advice when it comes to second babies. It is such a strong contrast to having the first baby where people cannot wait to shove advice down your throat. The mothers at the meeting today agreed that when it's your second baby, people look at a healthy, robust toddler and assume you must have at least some degree of competence, so just leave you alone.

Strangely, I feel quite calm about the arrival of Baby #2 in several months time and it is this that makes me anxious: I am anxious about not being anxious enough! How stupid! My main concerns -- all of which are probably quite reasonable -- are:

• Sleep deprivation but not getting to 'sleep when the baby sleeps' and as a result, being grumpy and losing my temper a lot because I will be so tired.
• How BallFiend will behave once the baby is born: that he might hurt the baby (he hates it when I hold other babies now and tries to push them off my lap).; and how I will make time to play with BallFiend to try and prevent jealous behaviours towards the baby.
• Not having the luxury of time to focus entirely on the newborn. I really enjoyed watching BallFiend develop day-by-day - newborns grow and develop so quickly you can see it happening. I have a feeling that Baby #2 will suddenly be 4 months old and I will realise that I blinked and missed the newborn stage!
  
• Not having a spare moment to spend with DeepSpice (or any other adult for that matter!)
• Making time to prepare for birth - yoga, exercise, reading childbirth books, etc.
• Getting things 'in order' before Baby #2 arrives, eg. finishing off the last bits of painting, house repairs, moving BallFiend from a cot to a bed, tidying up and getting rid of the clutter that is everywhere.

Anyway I can check one thing off the 'getting things in order' list - I finally organised for a sparky to come and install extra lights in the kitchen ceiling, wire in the pumps for the garden pond (from when we landscaped the garden a year ago!) and remove a powerpoint which was in the way of where a bookshelf is to go.
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Half-Baked - pregnancy update

I've reached 20 weeks, the half-way point. Another 20 weeks to go, give or take, then my life will be thrown back into complete chaos for months on end.

Sneak Peek
Had my 20 week ultrasound today. Because the hospital's medical imaging department is total overbooked, I couldn't have my scan done there. So they 'helpfully' gave me a list of other clinics and told me to get my GP to write me a referral. Luckily one clinic on the list offered bulk billing... the down side was that the clinic was in Broadmeadows.

Anyway, DeepSpice and I dropped BallFiend at creche and set off for the sticks. Actually, Broady isn't as bad as I was expecting. There was only one junkie passed out at the bus stop near the clinic when we arrived (around 9.30 am).

The ultrasound went well - it's all there, head, shoulders, knees, toes, eyes, ears, mouth and nose. (Argh! been watching too much Play School with BallFiend.) The little creature kicked and wriggled and twisted and turned while being examined from every angle, inside and out. I got a nice package of still images to take home - a print-out on laser film and an electronic copy on CD-Rom. Plus DeepSpice took a short video by pointing our digital camera at the LCD screen during the scan.


I still hadn't decided whether to find out the baby's sex or not, so I followed The Librarian's lead and got the sonographer to write it on a slip of paper for me to take home. Nearly 12 hours later now and I still haven't looked! I just can't decide if I want to know.

Discomforts
Latest pregnancy-related annoyances include:

• heartburn (reflux),
  
• sore lower back,
  
• abdominal aches and occasionally stabbing pains as ligaments stretch,
  
• extreme tiredness, and
  
• an immune system that is on a 'go slow' (I have tonsillitis for the second time in two weeks).

The Great Hospital Debate
After deliberating for months about which hospital to book with (Private Tour; Another Busy Morning; Results are in!; In the system), the decision was made for me today. A midwife from the hospital that I had been considering transferring to phoned today to tell me that they couldn't (wouldn't) take me and I had to stay with the hospital I had initially booked in at.

I'm happy with this outcome. I had another appointment with the midwife recently and felt much happier after that one. I wasn't kept waiting for ages this time (only 5 - 10 mins) and the midwife was much nicer and seemed much more confident than the one I saw last time. So I had already reached the decision not to transfer hospitals... just hadn't gotten around to contacting the other hospital as yet.
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Knife that pumpkin!

Last night for dinner, I got DeepSpice to pick up a BBQ chook on the way home and I made some roasted vegies to have with it - potato, carrot, pumpkin. BallFiend joined us at the big table and as usual his place was set with just a fork. He almost always just uses his hands to eat, but we always give him a fork just in case he decides to try and be civilised.

Anyway, this time he picked up his fork and started using it; and then he studied DeepSpice and I as we used our cutlery. "I need a knife." he pipes up in his cute, little, Mickey-Mouse like voice. So I obliged with the one and only child-sized knife we have - one from when I was a kid, which incidentally has Mickey Mouse on the handle.

BallFiend proceeded to cut up his pumpkin with the knife held in his left hand and fork in the right. He did an excellent job, only needing a little help from us. At one stage he started licking food off the knife but when I explained the hazard, he happily let me help him use the fork to scrape down then knife, and then had several attempts at doing this on his own.

I was so proud!

To top it all off, he behaved beautifully throughout the meal - not one tantrum.
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A review of "The Baby Trail: A Novel"

The Baby Trail: A Novel

by Sinead Moriarty

Entertaining novel to read and quite funny overall, but after all the trials that the protagonist goes through the ending is a bit sad.

See more about The Baby Trail: A Novel

Wedding of the FULK, Part 4 - Wedding Reception

We arrived in South Yarra at the reception venue about half an hour before guests were due to arrive. Time for a few last photos with the Cadillacs. Then "the boys" got stuck into beers (thoughtfully provided by the chauffeurs), "the girls" had a glass of bubbles, and I made do with soft drink.

We went inside for yet more photos and then finally I got to relax (collapse!) on a couch, where I remained for the next two hours. Illness, pregnancy, insufficient sleep and a very long day had taken their toll and I could not have got up even if I wanted to! I held court like royalty and made everyone come to me if they wanted to chat. The downside to this was getting stuck talking to certain people who I would have preferred to quickly exchange pleasantries with, then avoid.

After a decent rest and some food (I did not treat the canapés with the delicacy they deserved, instead scoffing down two at a time), I was at last capable of wandering around a bit to socialise. The main meal was served - a delicious middle eastern style feast. I had several serves and the food, plus sugary soft drink, gave me the sustenance I needed to last a few more hours.

The wedding cake appeared, providing both the basis for the ritual 'cutting of the cake' and more importantly, it was also dessert. The cake was extremely delicious! It was homemade by Wigward's sister... a really yummy, super-rich chocolate cake with Frangelico icing and decorated with edible red love hearts. The top tier was a traditional circle-shaped cake and it was placed on a cake stand with multiple tiers below, each covered with individual cup cakes. (The venue charges $2.50 per slice to cut the cake in their kitchen, so this way, the happy couple saved about $250.)

Later came the wedding speeches (or maybe this was before the cake cutting, I can't quite remember) by StompyDad, DesignerMonkey's parents, DesignerMonkey's brother (and best man), and rounded off by the groom and bride themselves. All very good - lots of laughs and love. Speeches were followed by an impromptu 'bridal waltz' at the urging of friends, after which much more dancing ensued.

Much later (or what felt like much later), I looked at the time... 11.30 pm! The function was scheduled to end at 11.30 pm and my last brideslave job of the evening was to ensure all the wedding gifts were safely transported home. I was amazed I had held up this long and though sorry to see the festivities come to an end, I was eagerly looking forward to going to bed. I started the rounds of saying goodbye to people and packing the gifts up to take home. Then I rechecked the time. It was only 10.30 pm. Argh! Still, it worked out quite well, because it took me the full hour just to say goodbye to everyone and pack up the gifts, so it ended up that DeepSpice and I were in the car and driving home right on the dot of 11.30 pm; and home asleep in bed by 12.30 pm. What a party animal I am in my old age!

Anyway, overall a great night out was had by all - CutLuce and DesignerMonkey make a very happy couple.
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Wedding of the FULK, Part 3 - Wedding Ceremony

We arrived at the town hall where the ceremony was to occur and were met by the celebrant and the ushers (Gran and GrandPaul). GrandPaul informed me that BallFiend was sound asleep on the floor at the back of the room; he then raced off back upstairs to take his seat. I thought I must have misheard. I had left a carefully written running sheet for DeepSpice to follow on wedding morn. Including, that BallFiend was to be put into his cot for a nap at midday, woken at 2.00 pm and dressed and out the door by 2.30 pm. But no time to ponder GrandPaul's cryptic message now... it was time to go!

The ceremony was held in a smaller chamber of the town hall... a room that look like it had probably once been a court. It had an imposing dark timber balustrade at the front and behind this was a large leather chair for the judge with an imposing dark timber canopy. The ceremony commenced with DesignerSis being first down the aisle, followed by me, then MissJo, and finally CutLuce on the arm of StompyDad. A very nervous-looking DesignerMonkey watched from the front of the room. Despite telling the make-up artist that I wouldn't cry so wasn't worried about mascara running, I felt tears well up in my eyes as the bride came down the aisle. She looked beautiful, excited, very happy - beaming from ear to ear - and not at all nervous.

During the ceremony, I snuck a few looks around the room at all the family and friends. I couldn't see BallFiend anywhere - asleep or otherwise. I hadn't seen my boy for nearly 24 hours - I was missing him lots and looking forward to seeing him again. But being 'on stage' at my sister's wedding was not the time to ask so I had to defer my curiosity about what-on-earth DeepSpice had done with BallFiend.

After a lovely ceremony, there was a pause while the marriage certificate was signed and lots of photos taken. I took the much-needed opportunity to sit down next to DeepSpice and the celebrant brought me a glass of water. I asked Deepspice where BallFiend was and DeepSpice gestured to another balustrade at the back of the room. "He's asleep on the floor behind there". I was astounded - how could he sleep though all this? Apparently he had refused to nap, had a massive tantrum when DeepSpice was trying to get him dressed, then fell asleep in the car on the way to the town hall. DeepSpice carried BallFiend in, still asleep, and there he stayed. Clearly my concerns that a toddler with jam-laden fingers, excited at the first sight of his mum after 24 hours, would come tearing up to hug me were unfounded.

With the marriage certificate signed, the celebrant formally closed the ceremony by presenting the certificate to the happy couple and instructing DesignerMonkey to "kiss the bride". Then the bride and groom left the room to "Love Me Do" by The Beatles. (As predicted by all three of us sisters, StompyDad was heard to say "Oh, I know this song (long pause), it's The Beatles!")

I spotted BallFiend as we exited the room. Sure enough, he was soundly asleep on the floor, having slept through the entire ceremony. I tried to rouse him, which took a good 10 minutes, and was eventually rewarded with a super-grumpy, disoriented toddler who was not at all excited to see me.

Then the post-wedding madness hit - family and friends wanting to talk, hug and kiss and the photographers trying to gather everyone together for group photos. BallFiend was brought along, grizzling, in DeepSpice's arms, all the time saying 'no photos'. After the large group photos, BallFiend had some snacks and immediately his mood improved. Suddenly he was excited and running amok, exploring the large open foyer of the town hall.

Weariness was setting in. I really wanted to sit down and spend a few moments with my boy before DeepSpice had to cart him off to meet VoluableK (who had kindly offered to mind BallFiend overnight for us). But no rest of the tired, sick, pregnant, brideslave - I was dragged along with the rest of the bridal party for photos in more aesthetically interesting parts of the building. On the positive side, BallFiend's improved mood meant that CutLuce was finally able to have a few nice, happy photos taken with her nephew. Then DeepSpice whisked BallFiend away and after a few more photos outside in front of the Cadillacs, I was whisked away with the rest of the bridal party to the reception venue.

Wedding of the FULK, Part 2 - Wedding Day morn

Wedding Day arrived. CutLuce was up at 6.30 am and flushed the loo which was very loud through the paper-thin walls, and thus I was awake too, and still totally exhausted. I definitely don't recommend being a sick, pregnant brideslave. Breakfast was fairly lesuirely, and I after eating I wandered down to a local florist to get some flowers for the bride - pink lilies and yellow roses.

Then, from 10.30 am it was all go, go, go. The hair and make-up people arrived, and the long and involved process of disguising our natural beauty behind a facade of socially-accoladed, artificially-enhanced beauty began. I was suffering from waves of nausea due to the antibiotics and pregnancy-induced heartburn but did my best to remain cheerful for the sake of the bride. Sadly, it was the bride looking after me, bringing cups of tea, rather than the other way around.

Eventually we were all dolled up, my nausea started to abate (with the aid of an antacid tablet), my heartburn stared to abate (with the aid of frequent sips of milk), wedding bouquets arrived, the chauffeured wedding cars (three 1959 red Cadillacs) appeared out the front and an air of excitement spread through the room. We brideslaves zipped CutLuce into her wedding dress and tried to stay out of the way of the photographer as she captured this important moment. StompyDad arrived to escort the bride and was very impressed with the wedding dress ("stunning!").

At 3.00 pm, we hopped into the Cadillacs and drove slowly to the ceremony venue. I travelled with DesignerSis in the sedan, while CutLuce, StompyDad and MissJo (the other brideslave) travelled in the convertible. The groom and "boys" had left earlier in a two-door Cadillac so that they could be made to stand nervously at the front awaiting the grand entrance of the bride.

I was amazed at how much I enjoyed the ride. Prior to the wedding, when CutLuce was becoming concerned about the cost of the wedding, I had suggested cutting out the cars and just getting family members to drive the bridal party in their own cars. But DesignerMonkey really wanted the cars, so they stayed. It was a really nice treat. Especially for StompyDad, who always used to carry on about Elvis and Cadillacs when we were kids... and that's another story.

Wedding of the FULK, Part 1 - Wedding Eve

The big day approached... Good Friday, April 10, Wedding Eve. For CutLuce and DesignerMonkey (whose initials collectively create FULK) this entailed making final preparations and hours of packing the car with wedding gear, clothing and other necessities before heading off to check into their respective serviced apartments in South Yarra around 2.00 pm.

Meanwhile, DeepSpice and I were getting stuck into our antibiotics after coming down with tonsillitis two days earlier. Many thanks to BallFiend for sharing - he had been really sick on Monday... even fell asleep on the couch around 11 am, which he has never done before. He usually only sleeps when in his cot. By Wednesday, BallFiend was back in top super-energetic form, perfectly timed to coincide with DeepSpice and I descending into fever, exhaustion and the pain of inflamed tonsils. On Thursday, I gave in and rang for an appointment with the doctor - I was amazed that I was able to get an appointment at 4.30 pm on the day before Easter long weekend. (Admittedly, it was at a dodgy-looking place which calls itself a 'family medical centre' but is more like an emergency department in a third world hospital. They also offer drive-through circumcisions - need I say more?!)

Anyway, after resting up through most of Friday (well as much as is possible with a BallFiend running wild around the house), DeepSpice drove me over to South Yarra to join the bride and the other brideslaves for a pre-wedding night of girly bonding. We arrived around 5.00 pm and found the bride surrounded by the rest of the bridal party, various cousins, aunts and friends hanging out, drinking tea and bubbles, and eating a yummy plum torte baked by DesignerSis.

BallFiend played kick-to-kick on the balcony with StompyDad and CousinJ until BallFiend kicked the ball over the edge and into the yard of the apartment below. Eventually, family and friends started to leave; DeepSpice took BallFiend home for dinner and bed, and all that remained were the bridal party and a close friend of CutLuce.

We all headed out for dinner at a local pub, then returned to the apartment. The "boys" (DesignerMonkey's brothers) and the "girls" hung out for a while drinking and smoking(!), and finally around 8.30 pm, went off to their own apartment to watch movies. CutLuce brought out the facial gear and we stayed up way past my bedtime doing girly things.

The jab and the shove

Got a flu vaccine today. The good points: it was free (work covered the $25.00 cost for me and about 1,200 other of my fellow employees) and I got a lollypop (chocolate banana chuppa chup - yum!). The bad: getting the jab took up half my lunch break and my arm is still sore now (last year when I had it, it hardly hurt at all).

I suppose in the longer term there is also the potential good of not getting the flu. I will be really pissed off if I still end up getting the flu anyway. (Apparently the vaccine covers the 3 or so main strains that are around this flu season, but won't protect against all the other less common ones).

This evening was taken up with an emergency toy library committee meeting. The scout hall where our local toy library is accommodated is about to be renovated and we are (a) getting shoved out for 3+ months and (b) facing moving back into a space 35% smaller than we currently have (at least that is what is proposed). So tonight's meeting was spent talking through our options for politely requesting / belligerently demanding more storage space and working out what interim accommodation options we can consider.

Meanwhile at home, DeepSpice had a difficult time of getting BallFiend ready for bed... particularly after a great toothbrushing battle. Apparently it all ended in tears. But when I got home at 9.30 pm, the house was quiet and BallFiend seemed to be sleeping: a testament to the excellent dadship skills of DeepSpice.

While I was out, VolubleK sent a text message saying that her dad's health had declined suddenly and she had ended up calling an ambulance to take him to hospital. He was recently diagnosed with a brain tumour and had undergone surgery a few weeks ago. Tonight's development is not a good sign.

All in all it has been a long a difficult day; a day which, I might add, started at 5.00 am when BallFiend decided to start singing and jumping around in his cot.
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